just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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