I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
