He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
