if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
