I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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