With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
