He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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