"it" just moved
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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