Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
