So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
