What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
