So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
