she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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