lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
