I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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