Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
