the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
