I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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