There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
