So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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