Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Drake has all the answers
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
