so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
