I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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