And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
