I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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