im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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