Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
