What a fucking waste of an outfit
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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