omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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