I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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