It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
