Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Randomize
