note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
