Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
