Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
