White coat. Heels.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
