It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
