now i know why i became what i already was.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
