I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
