So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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