he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
