That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
