My liver just broke up with me...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
