Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
