I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
