***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
