didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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