The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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