my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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