I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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