There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I had to cum in my sink.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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