Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
