i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
