I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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