my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
